These days there are two different forms of myself: Megan the mom and Megan the individual. Most of the time I exist in Megan the mom, a person pulled in a thousand directions. Megan the individual, the person taken over by Megan the mom, is the more selfish, fun and carefree alter ego.
Megan the mom finds herself behaving in ways that Megan the individual would never dream of.
Megan the mom is often seen frustrated and shouting at her beloved children throughout the day.
Megan the mom sometimes wonders if her children know that her other self, her deep down person, is lighthearted and funny.
Megan the mom vacillates between boredom and driving kids around like a crazy person.
Megan the mom is in bed by 8, asleep by 10.
Megan the mom is sick and tired of cooking meals and doing dishes every day. Megan the individual loves to cook.
Megan the mom wipes boogers from noses with her bare freaking hands.
Megan the mom tolerates a house that is unacceptably messy to Megan the individual.
Megan the mom counts down the days until date night or girl’s night out for a reprieve from chaos.
Megan the mom overuses words such as naughty, potty and grumpy.
Megan the mom is not proud to report the use of profanity in front of her children in times of great frustration, pain or angst. Megan the individual would never stoop so low.
Megan the mom spends far too much time and money in the kids’ section of Target. Megan the individual would be in Nordstrom.
Megan the mom knows how to sing the intro song to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in the voice of Mickey Mouse thank you very much (and so does Chris the dad).
Instead of worrying about the stock market or workplace politics, Megan the mom worries about whether her children are happy and stimulated enough each day.
Megan the mother loves her children unconditionally and would do anything for them. That is a specific feeling you would never get without having children.
This is the part where I am supposed to say how it is all worth it and it is a true blessing and a miracle to be in my children’s lives each day, but I won’t bore you with predictability [insert nicety]. I will just say that in motherhood you will find the ultimate dichotomy. You can be your best and your worst, beautiful and ugly, happy and sad, laughing and crying, angry and filled with love, smart and stupid, excited and lethargic, energetic and exhausted; all of these things in one day. Every day. And they don’t have any medication for that.
Chris and I had a text discussion today about whether both versions of Megan will ever merge or whether they will always remain separate. My answer to that is as the children grow into older more self-sufficient people I won’t feel that my main responsibility, besides loving them with all of my heart, will be managing and disciplining them. I think it is then that I will be able to catch my breath (before they become teenagers), and feel like Megan the individual again.
One day Megan the mom may meet Megan the individual and despite their differences, I think they will really love each other.
Until next time, the Mothership is signing off.